"Statistically, the probability of any one of us being here is so small that the mere fact of our existence should keep us all in a state of contented dazzlement."
-Lewis Thomas (via joshuakaufman)Your monthly-ish dose of TMI.
I am a hot mess right now. I do not like the way I am behaving, the words coming out of my mouth, or the way I’m making people feel. I need to breathe, and clear my head. I need to get my shit together. I need to be more productive. I need to lay off the substances. I need to get my emotions in check, and start really dealing with them head on. I need to not be afraid to talk to people who are important to me about my feelings. I need to know when to stop. I need to stop being selfish. I need to start spending more time with the important people in my life, and less with those who aren’t. I understand that this is a crucial phase in my life, but I really am not a fan of myself right now.
what if we could, for a fleeting instant, break outside of the orbits or the eggshells of everything we’ve ever been told to be by society and just spin out free in space, pure and entirely who we were meant to be? And I’m not sure such a thing could exist, but the fact that we can even try to imagine it is kind of beautiful in its own right.
I don’t know if it’s just because spring is here, if it’s because I have been really taking advantage of being 21 years old (i.e. drinking a lot), because I’ve been busy planning the next chapter of my life, or what; but life has been passing by me at an alarming rate lately. I really don’t see this as a bad thing, considering I am literally having the time of my life, am learning more about myself everyday, and am possibly the happiest I have ever been. It’s just quite strange to realize that something you thought happened a few days ago, actually happened weeks ago… and to have this sort of realization happen often. I can’t believe that it is already the last week of April.
With that said, I have been seriously slacking on project 365. Days are going so fast that every few days I think to take a picture, and realize that I haven’t taken one in awhile. I’m not really happy about this, but I definitely think it is more important that I enjoy life as it is happening, rather than only having an image to enjoy it with. I am going to try harder to remember to take my picture of the day, but I’m not making any promises that a few days might not get left out.
This is the look of contentment.
I cannot explain the happiness that is filling me right now. I am experiencing such love and thirst for life, and have so much admiration for the people in it. Nothing remarkable has happened to make me feel this way; but I am alive, and knowing that I can do anything I want with that is an amazing feeling.
